Brotherhood Contract - Honoring our Traditions & Our Values

Dear Brothers and Sweethearts:

In my lifetime I have been to hundreds of DeMolay events like conventions, Winterfests, LTCs, LeadCons (get your forms in!),  Sports Weekends, Clue Weekends, you name it.

  Regardless if it was in our Great State of New York or in another jurisdiction they all had something in common. There would be a gathering where an advisor would stand up and go through a whole list of "thou shall nots."   At this point you could probably run through the list of them:



- Don't break curfew
- Don't be late
- Don't go around barefoot
- Don't be in the young ladies' rooms unless you are a young lady
- Don't feed the mogwai after midnight.
- Never get involved in a land war in Asia, it's one of two classic blunders.

Invariably, going through the rules can be tedious, a little long, and frequently negative. It also had the impact of planting bad ideas. If I tell you "Don't think of a pink elephant" what is in your mind? Probably an elephant.

One year I was at KeyMan (8/2/19-8/8/19 Mark your calendars!), and "Dad" Tom Labagh stood up to give the rules and he did something different. Rather than talk about what you should not do, "Dad" Labagh talked about what you should do and tied it back into our values and traditions.

It was a game changer!
Rather than be filled with a bunch of "Nos" and "Don'ts," we elevated the conversation from being negative it was one that was positive and affirming.  It also changed how the DeMolays and young ladies talked, thought and acted. Rather than just being simply what shouldn't you do, it talked about what you should do.  It not only works for KeyMan but works for all of the events they have.  I have overheard a few brothers saying to another "Hey, brotherhood." Or if the basketball game got a little too heated being able to remind ourselves of the brotherhood contract.

The draft policy was sent around to the SEC and the SAC and I want to thank those groups for their helpful and critical feedback. This is the Brotherhood Contract we have developed for DeMolay.  While it is being promulgated today, 10/17/2019, it is a living document that we want your feedback on as DeMolays.

This policy is in effect at all DeMolay functions inside our jurisdiction. We will still have specific event rules, but in each opening session we will reference back to this contract.

If you get a chance take it to your next chapter meeting and discuss it. Have feedback? Send me a note at pbrusoe@NYDeMolay.org

Thank you for all that you do to make DeMolay so awesome!

In the light of the 4th Candle,

"Dad" Brusoe




NEW YORK DEMOLAY BROTHERHOOD CONTRACT

All DeMolays agree to conduct themselves according to these basic ground rules:


First – The physical and mental/emotional safety of our brothers is paramount and must be protected by all. We carefully consider how to conduct any activity to minimize physical risk. No horseplay. No name-calling or bullying. No unnecessary risks. No physical violence.

Shared Values – We believe that the Seven Cardinal Virtues of DeMolay are the building blocks of adulthood, and to be treated like adults we need to act appropriately and take responsibility for our choices.


Positive Mental Attitude – DeMolays agree to support and encourage one another by practicing “valuing behaviors” like active listening, giving encouragement and support with positive reinforcement. We value individuals as well as the group, and treat everyone with respect, kindness, courtesy and caring. Tolerance is a primary teaching of DeMolay, and we celebrate our differences, rather than divide over them.


Learn From Each Other – Each DeMolay has the right to respectfully express his opinions, desires, and needs. Giving and receiving honest and constructive feedback is the beginning to finding one’s true self, and helping each other grow in our skills and relationships.


Open to New Ideas – Nobody “knows it all.” DeMolays and Advisors are still learning about the Order, about leadership, about people, about themselves. Be open to new ideas and understanding a different perspective on what you think you already know. When you stop learning, you stop living.


Achieve – Moving forward in life means setting goals, and working hard to reach them. But, you can’t step all over those around you to get where you want to go. Serving others and helping your brothers to reach their goals will take you further along the path toward accomplishing your own objectives!


The Fidelity Pledge
I promise that I will try to live by the DeMolay Virtues in all that I think, say and do, and will expect the same effort from my brothers and Advisors. When I fail to do so, I will take responsibility for my decisions, make appropriate amends, if possible, accept the consequences of my actions, and be as forgiving of my brothers as they are tolerant of me.





DRAFT Sent to SAC 10/9/2019
DRAFT sent to SEC 10/92019
Adopted 10/17/2019